Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
