Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
