where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize