I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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