I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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