I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
