I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
