Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
