oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
