How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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