he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
