there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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