I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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