youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
never play flip cup with pint glasses
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
