i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
