Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
