Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
