Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
