I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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