those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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