i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
