There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
