he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
