In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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