her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
