Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
