I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
