You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
