My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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