I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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