I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
