I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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