Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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