You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
