They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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