the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
