We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
