Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
