I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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