Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
