When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
