As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
