You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
