I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
