i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't deserve a penis
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
