went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
