Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
