I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
