Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
