it hurts more in the daytime
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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