you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
