question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
