You work out of a Hotel?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
