I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
