YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
