He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
