You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
