what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
