i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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