I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
