Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
