Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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