do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
