All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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