I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
