i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
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I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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