i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
