How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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