Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
