So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Success! We fucked roommates!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
