this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
