To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
